POEM 1 (I Hated You Because)

I Hated You Because

your shit did not smell;

neither did my roses;

you stood in my light and complained I was blocking your shadow;

you forgave yourself with shocking ease;

of all the many times you said no
when I hadn't asked and was on the far side of the street, in dark glasses, only looking for a moment while checking my grocery list and you were facing the other direction and
couldn't possibly have known;

of your right to be seen and my absence thereof;

of the authority of your eyebrows;

whether I agreed or disagreed with you I was ever only a foreigner;

you could both keep an eye on and ignore me at the same time, if you wanted;

whatever I wanted, it was only you who had the right to it;

of how easy it was for you to be courageous -- you had no idea;

you could wear symbols of your failure and make them look like someone else's;

you were a hero in victory, a martyr in defeat -- Wuotan and Yahweh your admiring uncles;

I was a bully or a weakling, no matter what the truth was (hah! even both);

of the respect strangers had for you;

faith was yours for the asking -- works didn't matter;

your works were more than enough -- faith didn't matter;

you could judge and not be judged;

your judgement was itself the sentence -- how I writhed! No impotent guards and prison walls for you!

you did not need the last word -- it was yourself;

of your superiority;

of your inferiority (so much better than mine);

you could despise weakness when strong, strength when weak. How did you manage it?

you were whatever most undermined me -- without knowing it, without caring;

you were ever looking over my shoulder -- without knowing it, without caring;

of your clear eye which feared nothing.

And now that you are dead I sing your praises thus and kill you again before the world, you bum-sucking vampire!



Roxy Katt