Believe it or not, I find the following scenario extremely erotic. Call me weird . . . and please post if you're just as weird yourself!
"Did you say something, fair Lady knight?"
"Huh? Who's out there?"
"Only a poor peasant maid, milady."
"Get me out of this thing!"
"Beg pardon, milady, I did not hear . . ."
"I said, get me the fuck out of here!"
"You mean . . ."
"My squire buggered off somewhere and I've been trying to get
out of this bloody suit of armour for the past hour!"
"Certainly, milady. But how do I . . ."
"How the hell should I know? My squire does that and she's off fucking the stable girl or something. Just get a wrench or a screwdriver or something and get me out of here!"
"Oh my, Milady. Pardon me for saying so, but you are rather a stupid woman, aren't you?"
"What? How dare you?"
"I have a wrench, alright, my fine fulsome aristocrat. And I think I spy a fair fat bolt between your steelclad thighs. I think I'll start there, or I'll start nowhere at all."
"Spread 'em, sister!"